Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
