There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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