Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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