what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
