If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
