Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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