Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
