It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
