something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
