No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
