just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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