I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Randomize
