i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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