pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
