So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
