you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize