dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize