Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Is it because I queefed?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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