the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I didn't notice because vodka
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
