yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
