Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
