Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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