I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
