I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
