at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize