New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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