I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
