I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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