3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
