Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize