he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
