No, you can still breathe under the balls.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
