a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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