I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
