So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
