mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
