It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
