I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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