i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
