Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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