Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
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