Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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