apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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