pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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