so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
