i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
