That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
