worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
