Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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