Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
