Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
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