i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize