How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
