this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
