Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
