you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
