bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
