I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
