First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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