why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
