i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
40s are totally the cure
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
