I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize