I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
