Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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