I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Boobs speak an international language.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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