He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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