I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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