Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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