Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
id be glad to
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
