We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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