Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
