I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
