I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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