Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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