We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
