I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
