So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
