He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
