If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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